Monthly Archives: December 2011

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Sometimes i ramble on about my stuff so much i forget you have your own too. Sometimes i’m so caught up in my own self-loathing and pity that i forget people have feelings too. I keep forgetting that no matter how much you want to help, there’s always a limit and no matter how much you ramble on, there’s no one that can help you other than yourself. Sometimes i feel so tired i just want to collapse, and sometimes i refuse to share my problems with people i’m not good with, simply because i know they can’t take it. I thought perhaps there’s a saint out there with an inordinate amount of patience. I was wrong. but it is to no one’s fault but my own. I was naive.

”

  • everyone: it’s just a book
  • you: YOU KNOW NOTHING”

they’re not just books to her. do not mock her pain.

and one day when it overflows…

and sometimes the smallest things cause the biggest argument.

trust me. i know.

and i didn’t know?

-shz

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found these old songs that i used to listen to. 😀 

 

 

-空秋千-林宇中 (audio)full version- {Kong Qiu Qian}

-Shannon Noll – Lift-

Wipe your eyes and remember you’re better
than this
Let them know that they took their best shot
and they missed

-shz

Rant

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sometimes i wonder if everything i tried to write on fb was ever seen by you. i know its not a good way to try and get someone’s attention but if i tried talking to you irl we’ll just end up quarreling again. i’m like a bad person. i do like all the bad things. i’m just pretending to be good. i literally have no dreams of my own. i try to make up my own, but in the end all my dreams revolves around fulfilling someone else’s dreams. i just want to be recognised… i have a dream of getting a 6-pointer in o’s. tho i doubt i can make it. still, i’m afraid if i don’t get it i’ll have nothing. you know? i already have nothing… i don’t have anything… i only have my grades… if i don’t even have that i have nothing.  next year is going to be tough. sibs moving out. i don’t know la hoh. i feel as though i don’t have a family sometimes. i sit in my room and i stare into space and think and think and think. my brothers buy exp stuff for their wives/gfs and they never buy anything for my mom. they complain about her… i don’t like it. its as though they’re “tolerating” her. Don’t they see that they shouldn’t do that in front of me? I’m a kid. Don’t they know what they do is influencing me? and i flare up so easily these days. feel so moody and bitter now. so many things pile up.. i watched the show “We bought a zoo” today… i still can’t stand it when other people has their loved ones passed away too. reminds me of my own. yeah, i haven’t gotten past that. I’ve been trying, i swear. But when things just go wrong, i just think back on the times when they were almost perfect, with my dad. i never had to impress him. he just accepted me the way i was. he almost never raised his voice at me. never accused me… maybe he did, but i don’t remember. everytime we’ll have debates about life stuff in front of the tv… watching drama together. i know i keep recalling back the times… but i can’t stand it. i miss him so much. i don’t know why i can’t let it go. i really don’t. bitter.

i feel so bitter.

-shz

 

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I don’t feel like updating much. Feeling bitter these few days.

I’m not safe with it.

They’re the only thing you can ever keep.

Karma’s hitting me hard now.

or her blog.

stop misinterpreting me. 

this always happens to me…

 

-shz