RAndomZ!

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Ahh i feel so sad. like after the chemistry questions … so hard.. didn’t finish the paper. i think i lost my touch in time management. Grr. Must stop being so slacky in exams. -.-||

ahh. i feel so frustrated. #@$!@#^$&*@#$!@#$

I’m like a failure in stuffffffffffffffffff!!!

And its getting ON. MY . NERVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

forget it. im going to mug math. okay maybe not mug. -.-|| im so slacky. @#$!@#%^$&!@#

-shz

STOP comparing yourself to others. AHHH DAMN BRAIN WILL DRIVE ME NUTS. Tens and thousands of people for me to compare myself to and i’ll never match up to them!!! @#$!@#^$*&#^$!(@#&*$@

-Tumblr Quotes-

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not so much today. or maybe…

Maybe its suited for me. Maybe i just don’t know it yet.

Ha. This is how i feel inside, sometimes. Like you’re so tired of thinking but your brain refuses to stop. and after everything you put yourself through – all the emotional turmoil that shouldn’t occur but yet it still did – you still have to patch yourself back.

Guilty as charged.

Ohh i did and surprisingly i don’t feel really sad. Ha.

The right person… ha.

Some stay for awhile, some stay for a little longer, and others walk out. But a rare few… stay forever.

And life goes on… without me.

i think about losing someone again. i think about what i did today, what wrongs i did… what rights i did… what i should do tomorrow… what i wish for the future… my hopes, my dreams, my goals, my wishes.

😮 .

That’s what everyone says.

Just don’t be too sad.

😮

The glory is permanent.

-shz

Rambling

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So today i was lying in bed… my mind was whirling… just thinking about everything and anything. oh ya. i’m saturated with sleep. i just lie on the bed and i CANNOT sleep. cause i’m just not tired. gosh. Yesterday was hell. Cause i was super duper scared of ghosts and all THANKS TO MY FRIEND. Ugh.

So anyways… mind whirling… just thinking.. then i realised how lucky everyone who is alive is… i mean. There are so many things out there that can kill you – Car accidents, the SARS(if you were present at 2003 or smth)… H1N1… Plane accidents(if you went on holidays)… Bus accident(if you took bus) – just to name a few.

Ha. Sigh. So i was just thinking about anything and everything. but i fell asleep thinking of pokemon. Gee. Still can’t get over the fact that i missed an event .. .9 DAYS after the event. Well i probably wouldn’t have known of it if thc haven’t told me.

Which brings me wondering if she ever reads this blog anyway, or if anyone ever does. Hum.

Whatever.

So i was doing a recording of a script for Oral Presentation practice. And man i sound like a child. xD Like a small kid or something. Gosh.

😡

Okay rambling. WEEE.

Heh.

Its never good to give me alone time on my own when i have nothing to do -.- cause then my mind goes running. Not that good to leave me on fb to stalk(not that i do :X) people.

I’m supposed to be studying… Oh… well… Uhh… Lalala.

I’m so weird.

I kinda sorta crave attention and when i have it i don’t want it anymore.

-.-

ugh.

I’M SO WEIRD.

WAHAHHAHAH. Oohh

i saw a funny clip

Oh well.. Guess i’ll end my rambling here. have to go study.

I NEED TO STOP THINKING. -_-

-shz

i’m so easily riled up and all. gee. -.-

-Tumblr Quotes-

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Lol

I KNOW RIGHT

as if whatever you’re going to say next, might just change everything.

a lifetime ago…

so true. when you don’t know how long you have to endure for… when you endure more than you think you can take… then you realise how strong you are.

-shz

why do i care anyway?

-Tumblr quotes- & Some from FB

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Sadly…. 😦

Then a lot of bad things will happen.

Sometimes.

not actually moving on… but a little better every single day.

i’m so not that person… i wish i was… i wish i could.

but i’m too shallow.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. I wish 😀

Ohh yeah !

So damn true.

-shz

i’m so tired of looking around and wanting everything everyone else has. i’m so tired of wanting to be better. i’m tired of feeling insignificant. just because i’m not good at it, doesn’t mean i’m hopeless… — right?

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sometimes, i just wonder… i know looks isn’t everything… but sometimes i just wonder… i’m like so boyish. i’ve been that almost my entire life. i don’t know what else to be… everything else is just… not me.

sigh, sometimes its so hard… trying to pretend it doesn’t bother you… and looking around and realising everyone else looks so nice… damn. forget it.

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sigh. sometimes i feel like a failure in life….. but oh well. i guess there’s only one way to go – and that’s to keep trying eh. one day… maybe i’ll be better.

Hustings

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Yesterday was Hustings… Monday & Tuesday was camp – Tiring but also quite fun. Never knew how … it felt i guess. Led a few group cheers. Was quite fun, surprisingly. Guess i’m actually growing? I’m not that terrified of standing in front of a crowd anymore..

Hustings was another matter though. (Hustings is a word. I never knew that before..). Terrified. Totally just… frightened. For the first one (for Quarter Mistress/Master post) i was literally just scared… Just… Shaking. I didn’t do that well…

But i guess its okay… I tried. At least i tried. For that i’m thankful. Still, i’m still a little sad i’m not going to get in. I mean… I don’t know yet but the chances are low. Still, if i get in i’ll be happy. I mean, i guess i can do more than what i say… I just don’t know how to put things into words.

I never had past leadership experiences to back me up, i never looked at myself and ask : What makes me different? What makes me better than people. What makes me, who i am today? What brought me to where i stand today?

So when they asked : What is so different about you, what qualities do you have, that makes you better than the rest…

I was stumped. Sad to say eh? I don’t know..

What am i good at? What do i have, that makes me different? I really don’t know.

I think certain things are standard, no? Responsibility, punctuality, respect, etc. Those, are standard things people should have. I don’t know how to put actions into words. I don’t know how to “sell myself” in a way. Try to make myself special. I don’t.

But as i thought about things. I guess i’m a teeny little better than some people? I mean, it wasn’t easy.. But i’m proud of myself. I went to a school who i totally knew nobody, in an area where i was totally unfamiliar, far away( 1h+ ride ). And i made friends… Familiarized myself in the area. I’m learning a subject with totally no basics in — Biology.

And i survived. Quite well, if i were to say so myself. Could be better, but i survived. And i’m proud of myself.

I think Dad’s blessing me though. I still rather wished he was here. Things might be different, but i wouldn’t mind. I still miss him, still cry over him. But its better, i’m getting better.

I know i’m going to be sad when the results are out, in a way. They say if it’s yours, it will be yours. But i know that there are people who are much better than me, and i’m glad. They will lead the Ensemble to a better place. To Gold with Honors. =) And i will try my best to get into SYF, and at least, strive towards that with everyone.

I might not be the best at first, i might not have anything now. But ohh if you know me. I like a challenge. I like to prove to people that nothing’s impossible. You don’t have to have a lot to begin with, to end with everything you ever wished for.

-shz