Yesterday was Hustings… Monday & Tuesday was camp – Tiring but also quite fun. Never knew how … it felt i guess. Led a few group cheers. Was quite fun, surprisingly. Guess i’m actually growing? I’m not that terrified of standing in front of a crowd anymore..
Hustings was another matter though. (Hustings is a word. I never knew that before..). Terrified. Totally just… frightened. For the first one (for Quarter Mistress/Master post) i was literally just scared… Just… Shaking. I didn’t do that well…
But i guess its okay… I tried. At least i tried. For that i’m thankful. Still, i’m still a little sad i’m not going to get in. I mean… I don’t know yet but the chances are low. Still, if i get in i’ll be happy. I mean, i guess i can do more than what i say… I just don’t know how to put things into words.
I never had past leadership experiences to back me up, i never looked at myself and ask : What makes me different? What makes me better than people. What makes me, who i am today? What brought me to where i stand today?
So when they asked : What is so different about you, what qualities do you have, that makes you better than the rest…
I was stumped. Sad to say eh? I don’t know..
What am i good at? What do i have, that makes me different? I really don’t know.
I think certain things are standard, no? Responsibility, punctuality, respect, etc. Those, are standard things people should have. I don’t know how to put actions into words. I don’t know how to “sell myself” in a way. Try to make myself special. I don’t.
But as i thought about things. I guess i’m a teeny little better than some people? I mean, it wasn’t easy.. But i’m proud of myself. I went to a school who i totally knew nobody, in an area where i was totally unfamiliar, far away( 1h+ ride ). And i made friends… Familiarized myself in the area. I’m learning a subject with totally no basics in — Biology.
And i survived. Quite well, if i were to say so myself. Could be better, but i survived. And i’m proud of myself.
I think Dad’s blessing me though. I still rather wished he was here. Things might be different, but i wouldn’t mind. I still miss him, still cry over him. But its better, i’m getting better.
I know i’m going to be sad when the results are out, in a way. They say if it’s yours, it will be yours. But i know that there are people who are much better than me, and i’m glad. They will lead the Ensemble to a better place. To Gold with Honors. =) And i will try my best to get into SYF, and at least, strive towards that with everyone.
I might not be the best at first, i might not have anything now. But ohh if you know me. I like a challenge. I like to prove to people that nothing’s impossible. You don’t have to have a lot to begin with, to end with everything you ever wished for.
-shz
hyperactivekidshz 