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And as they say, everyone will make you cry. You just have to find the ones worth crying for.

Me too. I wish.

If only everything was so easy.

Snarl and it snarls back.

Because i’m afraid everyone will leave.

Don’t we all?

I wish i knew. 

And you never think it would happen to you ; because its always ‘someone else’…

i wish i could. i wish i could do it as flawlessly as my siblings do. But i can’t. 

To see and know my existence.

I know… and i’m sorry… You just have to put up with me for… a while longer.

How bitter. How… similar.

 

-shz

I’m envious of the so many people with close siblings. I barely know mine. We live in the same house for 16 years… But actually, i only know them for 3 years…

 

Quiz

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You just learned a bit about me:

  • I am a cuddler.
  • I am a morning person.
  • I am an only child.
  • I am currently in my pajamas.
  • I am currently pregnant.
  • I am left handed.
  • I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.
  • I bite my nails.
  • I can be paranoid at times.
  • I enjoy country music.
  • I enjoy smoothies.
  • I enjoy talking on the phone.
  • I have a car.
  • I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
  • I have a hidden talent.
  • I have a pet/pets.
  • I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.
  • I have all my grandparents.
  • I have been to another country.
  • I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humour.
  • I have or had broken a bone.
  • I have caller I.D. on my phone.
  • I have bathed someone.
  • I have changed a diaper.
  • I have changed a lot over the past year.
  • I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
  • I have had major/minor surgery.
  • I have killed another person.
  • I have had my hair cut within the last week.
  • I have mood swings.
  • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
  • I have rejected someone before.
  • I like the taste of blood.
  • I love Michael Jackson.
  • I love sleeping.
  • I love to shop.
  • I own 100 CDs or more.
  • I own and use a library card.
  • I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
  • I sleep a lot during the day.
  • I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
  • I work at a job that I enjoy.
  • I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
  • I am currently wearing socks.
  • I am tired.
  • I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
  • I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

  • Graduated high school.
  • Smoked cigarettes.
  • Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
  • Collected something really stupid.
  • Gone to a concert.
  • Helped someone.
  • Spun turn tables.
  • Watched four movies in one night.
  • Been broken up with.
  • Taken a college level course.
  • Been in a car accident.
  • Been in a tornado.
  • Watched someone die.
  • Been to a funeral.
  • Burned yourself.
  • Ran a marathon.
  • Your parents got divorced.
  • Cried yourself to sleep.
  • Spent over £200 in one day.
  • Cheated on someone.
  • Been cheated on.
  • Written a 10 page letter.
  • Had a best friend.
  • Lost someone you loved.
  • Skipped school.
  • Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  • Stolen books from the library.
  • Been in a mental hospital.
  • Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
  • Fired a gun.
  • Been in a school play.
  • Been fired from a job.
  • Taken a lie detector test.
  • Swam with dolphins.
  • Attempted suicide.
  • Written poetry.
  • Read more than 20 books a year.
  • Gone to Europe/live there.
  • Loved someone you couldn’t have.
  • Used a colouring book over age 12.
  • Had surgery.
  • Had stitches.
  • Taken a taxi.
  • Had more than 5 online conversations going at once.
  • Had a hamster.
  • Dyed your hair.
  • Had something pierced.
  • Gotten straight A’s.
  • Your parents sent you to a shrink.
  • Been handcuffed.

My hair is naturally the colour:

  • Light brown
  • Medium brown
  • Dark brown
  • Blonde
  • Black
  • Dirty blonde
  • Strawberry blonde/Ginger
  • Multicoloured

My eyes are:

  • Brown
  • Blue/Grey
  • Green
  • Hazel
  • Light brown
  • A combination of things

I am:

  • Male
  • Female
  • Other

People sometimes label me as:

  • Slut
  • Girly
  • Ugly
  • Nerd 
  • Other

Some of my biggest fears are:

  • Spiders/other insects
  • Dying
  • Doctor/Dentist appointments
  • Hospitals
  • Needles
  • Disease
  • Being alone in the dark
  • Heights
  • Small spaces
  • Oceans/large bodies of water
  • Holes
  • Large animals
  • Small animals
  • Open spaces
  • Lightning

I have:

  • A friend with benefits
  • A laptop in my room
  • A television in my room
  • Good grades
  • My own car
  • Married parents

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Bro got married… Gonna miss him, even if we’re not close…

 

Easier said than done

My bro’s wedding made me feel so different. Its as if i never knew him before…

Mood swings.. One moment i feel like crying another i feel like i’m just on top of it all…

As i said, easier said than done.

Who can i say this to in the future?

Maybe i’m looking too hard.

 

How am i supposed to say i never let it go? How am i supposed to keep these dark thoughts… these dark dark thoughts to myself?

-shz

Everything just seems so… unreal. 

Rant.

Standard

 

I’m going crazy soon for Project Work. Now i finally realise that maybe working with friends aren’t that good after all.

If you want to keep your friendship you have to like shut up and just “take it”. Even if they piss you off to no end.

An anal group leader who is so not behaving like a group leader, a half slacker groupmate that sometimes does work and other times doesn’t, a grumpy groupmate(me), and another one who is so freaking passive.

How good can this group be…

-_- I’m going out of my mind you know?

My group is so freaking #@$^!@&$!@#$@. During Chinese period the THREE OF THEM cannot like meet up and do PW. Like do will die or something. Let the periods waste away.

Ridiculous. And its like we have quite a bit to change also you know?

Don’t care, don’t bother, just don’t bother to do stuff.

Must probe, must push, must ask. Then will do.

I came to my school with the expectation that it will contain people who are so much better than this.

Apparently not.

As skeptical, as haughty and as bitchy as i sound, its just my opinion.

And if you were in my position you would feel that too, most probably.

I came from a neighbourhood school, going to a so called “better” school.

Expected so much more than this. Feels disappointing.

Of course, that’s just one part of school life.

The other parts are awesome.

So much more opportunities, so many clever people. Oh.. the pressure.

 

Oh yes, back to the grumbling. I can’t stand it.

I admit i have my own bias of how a group leader should behave etc etc.

But i mean, a simple thing of asking for consultation. Is it so freaking hard?

I have to ask for you? I have to ask the group to do work? I have to try to split slides for you all? I have to try and coordinate people’s timing? What the shit is this? If i can do this, i don’t need you already.

I’m just so tired you knowww?? I mean, really!!!

 

Ahh. But forget it. I’ve been complaining since Monday. I can’t take this la.

 

@#$!(*@^@&#$@!#

 

-shz

To hell.