Today was rather tiring and took a lot out of me…
Firstly i had insufficient sleep. Like 4 hours. How the hell do people function with 4 hours of sleep. Then i felt super crappy because i was so tired… Just feel so tired.
Then i went to school.. Almost fell asleep in Econs lecture. It took everything i had to not fall asleep. Haha mostly because the teacher is awesome i love his slides and yeah… respect for the teacher.
Then PW results wasn’t good.. “B”. Idk bah. I think its okay but its still kinda sad … rather disappointing still. 😦
Then after that was i guess the worst part of the day. Had a talk with the group, the mentors and Mr Loh… I just feel so… useless as a leader. Sure it may just be a name, but with that comes a lot of responsibility and commitment. Commitment that i did not have. And responsibility that i sorely lack i suppose. I just felt crushed and super deflated and there was this point where i just wanted to quit.
Pull out as a leader and push it to someone else. It was just that bad.
And i had Mr Loh looking at me at some points during the meeting, and Ying Han as well… It was like they expected me to do something… or they’re judging i have no idea lol.
Then i still had to talk to the team about what we want to achieve today because we canceled the mock session….
I really didn’t know what to do. To be very very frank i hate leading a meeting. Its as if people just stare at you and listen, and you never know if you are saying the right things or not. But it turned out okay. Better than okay i guess. Learnt quite a bit of stuff.
A key takeaway for me would be that communication is very very very important. Feedback is too. Honest honest feedback.
And that i’m not as bad as i believe myself to be, i hope.
But that aside i have to go and do tutorials. I really just don’t want to turn up to school tomorrow. I’m close to my breaking point you know. I can’t function well without sleep. Its my Achilles Heel. Sleep strengthens me.
Haha and omg apparently i don’t appear stress to them at all. Lol. Thats cause i don’t stress in front of people. I don’t cry in front of people. They never happen in front of people. They’re always behind closed doors, where no one sees the tears that roll down, or the redness on my knuckles. Or the vicious cycle of trying not to break down, trying to achieve something and then breaking down in the end because my brain just refuses to function when i’m not sane.
Just because you don’t see the struggle that people have, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Just because you think that they have it good, doesn’t mean they do.
Its not your life to judge. Never been in their footsteps? Then shut up.
-shz
the path to success is miles away. So far… So, so far..
hyperactivekidshz 