-Tumblr Quotes- && some rants, reflections, goals.

this song is rather apt for the mood i’m in.

I guess its perhaps also because its a new year now…
I should try to make a new year resolution… I have never done one before, actually.

2014 was an interesting year. Two halves of the year was remarkably different.
First half was filled with work, at SH. I suppose during the work i felt incredibly stressed out and that the job was rather inhumane and all that. But now as i looked back, i suppose it was a good thing. It gave me courage to speak to random strangers when i need to. It gave me a new light as to how sometimes service staff don’t get treated very well, and that sometimes, they have bad days too.

I suppose i haven’t really thought about this before, but i do look out more for the service of staffs when i go shops, restaurants etc etc, and i supposed i’m picky. But i guess at least i don’t make a big fuss of wanting to see managers and all that, tho i could also improve on my attitude towards the staff. Or at least attempt to complain less about such trivial things. I should endeavor to complain less and instead reflect on these incidents i suppose.

Reflection is a powerful thing. I suppose it makes you look back at things you probably will let slide otherwise, and find things to learn from them.

For me, i suppose the biggest takeaway from SH was how little acts by us can make a difference. I know we’re paid there to work as CSC, but it sure makes a difference when you greet customers with a smile instead of a frown, and a difference when you try to help them out. I remember vividly my attempt to teach an old lady how to set parental locks on her TV so she doesn’t accidentally purchase channels. I think my help was limited because firstly, i honestly don’t know how to either because i don’t use SH cable, and secondly, i had trouble communicating with her. But i guess my attempt to teach her was (perhaps) good enough, and i remember her thanking me and leaving rather happily. Perhaps at that time it was just an incident that happened at work, where my mentality was “one case down. next please”, and nothing much. But now as i attempt to look back, its something worth remembering. I remember all my troublesome cases that i left behind cause i quit work, and i must admit that there was perhaps an insufficiency in training before we were set to work, and how inefficient the system is in calling for help in such things. But as i have left, i have no idea how it is now.

Then it was a random 3 or 4 days of work as a promoter selling some weight treatment vouchers, in which i also learnt that i cannot for the life of me, sell something i do not believe in. I think there are pros and cons to that, pros being honestly, and i recognise that when i believe in something fully, i tend to be more committed and passionate about it. Cons are that i can probably never be a promoter unless i believe in what i’m selling, and me being skeptical isn’t really helpful, and that i can probably never BS as good as others.

Then the last part of my 1st half in 2014 ended with work at RSH, in which i learnt that boring jobs are totally not for me. I would rather be busy than be lazy and stand there and do nothing. I am not saying retail is lazy, i’m saying retail is not for me.

Second half of 2014 was more or less preparing for school, and then before that there was my Taiwan trip with my family. It was… fun and i wish i could go again. I suppose then i should include in my second resolution, which would be to be more polite to my family members and attempt to be more involved in my family’s life, esp my brothers. To be honest i know not much about my brothers, and i can say i’m not the most polite when it comes to my Mom, mainly because i think i have been brainwashed to believing certain traits that may be untrue about my brother. Perhaps ‘brainwashed’ is a rather strong word, but that to me is more apt i suppose.

Then after my Taiwan trip was school. Year 1 Semester 1 was rather, to be honest, strenuous and tiring. Stressful, but fufilling. I took 22 MCs, which was slightly (only very slightly) overloading, but i supposed the stuff at RVRC also made me rather tired.

First lets talk about academics. Academically, from my results, i supposed i would say i’m rather surprised by it, given that i had so much struggles and worries about it. I was expecting at least a B+ for my LSM1101 module, but surprisingly i got an A. I suppose my worried modules are still the GEM1917 and ES1601. But those, i would have to take them one at a step, especially since it is a year long module.

Next lets talk about my RC. Quite a lot of stuff has happened in semester 1 for my RC, first being i’m in a Music Interest Group named The Playlist. We put up a performance at the end of the semester, and it was rather interesting.
One thing that i need to learn though, from the whole preparation to the performance, is to not participate in rumors that are hurtful. I feel quite guilty but i shall not post what happened. But it is definitely a lesson to learn.

Then there was also the Halloween Haunted House preparation. I have been thinking about it, and i supposed things could have been handled more properly during the preparation and everything. I know there was quite a bit of dislike from our side to the Red House organisers, but i doubt that she actually did it on purpose. Perhaps if we voiced out our need for help, she would have helped us out. So my third lesson is to attempt to voice out the need for help, or in general, not to assume too much. Assume, as they say, only “makes an ass our of you and me”.

For me, those were the more major events that i suppose i could takeaway or look upon under my RC.

Lastly would be my SPS journey. For me, SPS is a wonderful community and i’m never more grateful that i applied and managed to get in than i am right now. As i make more friends in SPS, and have fun together, i realise perhaps sometimes we tend to aggregate among ourselves more. I suppose thats the difference between SPS culture and RVRC culture. Its the tendency to aggregate among people we know, and not reach out that is, i feel, something i dislike about RVRC. I’m not saying its a bad thing, and i do do that as well, but one major thing i like about SPS people, is that once you’re in that SPS room, everyone is approachable. You get seniors joining in a bridge game, and everyone is fine with it. You can be having a convo, and people with the expertise or opinions will add on, and it makes the conversation more interesting. I suppose it can be hard to do it if people are shy and all, and i know i’m not as open as i appear to want to be, but its a step forward. So i suppose my last resolution is to be less shy, and talk to people more, even people i don’t know. Learn how to talk, because it’s important.

I hope 2015 will be more interesting, and of course i hope to learn more from my modules and everything.

Of course then there’s stuff i’m worried about in my relationship as well, if you couldn’t tell from the song. Okay maybe you couldn’t. I don’t think it makes sense as well. Never mind about it.

Anyways i always have worries and i feel rather insecure (as usual). I only hope that my trust isn’t violated, and that what i’m speculating is untrue. But i don’t know, because they say gut feelings usually don’t go wrong. I don’t know if this is my gut talking or my heart, but i honestly hope it isn’t true. I suppose my insecurity stems from my looks, or rather my lack of looks, and i know i shouldn’t be worrying about this, but i can’t help it. I’m not pretty pretty like some of my friends, i’m just average and i don’t have much to offer except for burdens and all. I don’t find that a flaw, but i find it rather more like a deal breaker for guys? Just like how a guy who lies is a deal breaker for me. I like honesty more, even though it hurts sometimes, because then i can trust him to tell me when things are going wrong, when things are stagnant, when i get too unreasonable etc etc.

And now i stop typing and scroll through tumblr to find quotes!

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This always happens…

“One cannot be too careful with words, they change their minds just as people do.”

—	José Saramago, Death with Interruptions

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

—	Tony Gaskins (via purplebuddhaproject)

i have never seen it irl, and i don’t want to. Seeing my mom cry is the worst shit ever tho.

“Sometimes we just have to cut off the dead branches in our life. Sometimes that’s the only way we can keep the tree alive. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s what’s best.”

—	Nicole Williams (via wordsnquotes)

This is powerful.

rewhore:

Why do we believe in things that are told to us, without questioning the purpose, the authenticity of it? More importantly, why do i believe in it? Why do i just accept things? I have a lot to learn…