Is it pity? Probably. Maybe a little bit of loathing too. I should really be writing my report. But i can’t help myself. It’s sort of tearing me apart. So i’m giving myself some time to mope, and cry. How pathetic.
This semester hasn’t really been a good one for me. I suppose everyone has their up and down semesters. My up and down happens to be last semester and this semester i suppose. It’s just that everything coming all at once is really draining me. Looking back at all the past research (and including the one i am doing right now), it seems i really can’t do research? Perhaps i really don’t possess the skills and/or luck required. Or the patience… perseverance etc.
Just feeling really deflated right now. I know it’s stupid to feel deflated over a module in school. It’s not everything. Perhaps i’m just really not suited for this. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck to know that. And i was really still considering it for a future job. I suppose it really won’t work out. I just need to do one more year of research and i’ll be done. This time it’s on bacterial work. Should be easier. Shouldn’t screw it up this time bah. Hopefully.
Perhaps i’m just feeling hurt… hurt from having to face the truth that i just simply can’t work with worms i suppose. Despite all my efforts. But perhaps a bacteria project will suit me a little better. After all i really wanted to do something related to antibiotic resistance. Perhaps it’s a sign haha.
Well. I don’t know. I just feel bad to my mentor that i contaminated his worms too… despite all my efforts to try and sterilise everything… Maybe it’s just me.
I should get back to my report. Time to fluff. Or learn how to. Fast. Really fast.
-shz
Self pity ain’t getting me anywhere. But it doesn’t mean i don’t feel it anyway.
hyperactivekidshz 