I’ve been sort of taking a break and stressing over the break somehow. Started lab, but somehow not going everyday is weighing down on me (even though i wanted to not go everyday). But i suppose its because i’m still prepping stuff and not really starting on anything yet. But that’s gonna change soon i guess.
Not sure if that’s sth good or bad.
Anyway. I’ve been overthinking a lot of things lately. And so since i’m here i’m going to unload some of it down so i don’t feel so shitty. I’ll say that some thoughts of mine make me feel ashamed and less of a person somehow… And i’ve been trying very hard to find another perspective of it to look at. So… Yeah.
So the first overthinking thing is already out (lab, remember?): the need to ask for help and screwing things up don’t make things easy for me… I just feel the pressure everytime bah.
Another thing is a bit more personal bah. So if you don’t know, i’ve recently started dating again. It feels a bit weird for me i guess. But i’ve realised when i date that i don’t exactly want people to know (tho ironically i wanna know when people date HAHA. okay that’s epic. nvm). Somehow i get this feeling that they won’t approve of the person i’m dating… Maybe it’s once bitten twice shy or some thing idk. But i’ve been trying to rationalise it as it doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to me what other people think. It’s just… this time it’s also a bit ‘rockier’ since he’s thinking of eventually migrating… which i don’t know if i will (it’s like a 30% yes 70% no for now?). We’re also relatively different people i suppose. Although if you ask me for the exact differences, it takes a while to think about. I just feel like we’re different people when we talk i guess?
Like in a conversation when you talk with someone who thinks alike then you usually get to the same point of thought together? But with him it’s like sometimes we’re talking but we’re talking about different things after all? I’m not saying that’s necessarily bad, it brings in a new point of perspective; but it does make you feel less ‘connected’ in a way sometimes. But again that depends on how i feel at that point in time as well.
I know i’ve said many times that looks aren’t everything and i don’t want to be a superficial person, i still feel like i am one. It bothers me that it bothers me that he isn’t like a typical guy with short hair and stuff. I guess it’s just the fear that my friends & family won’t like him bah. Which i guess is also why i just don’t wanna tell people… other than a close friend who already knows him… I feel like dating him goes against of who i thought i would be with in the future? Maybe that’s what i’m struggling with… Huh. Blogging does help me think eh. That’s interesting.
Anyway, yeah. That’s something i’m struggling with. So why did i date him? Well he’s a really nice person, and at least we can talk about random stuff. Plus he has a good general knowledge of things going around the world (kay i realised i’m a sucker for those kinda people cause you can learn a lot from them). At least i can randomly bring up articles i read on the internet and not be judged for that bah. Also he’s really open and i feel like it’s nice to have someone who you can legit talk about anything with.
Yeah so… i also am overthinking on a lot of things. Again. Why brain never stop?!
I’ve also been rather lazy lately in reading papers and stuff… so… WELP? :O
Maybe not all nervousness are bad…
-shz
It doesn’t matter what others think… Sure, take it with a pinch of salt. But nothing more. You’re living your life, under a different circumstance. You can never, and must never, compare yourself to another. It never ends and it’s (likely) never going to end up well. As long as you’re comfortable with your choice, and willing to bear the consequences, then that’s all there is to things.
hyperactivekidshz 