I ran.

Ran away. Far far away.
Staying away.
For a few days.

It sounds childish.
It probably is.

But I’m so tired.
I can’t deal with this.

Forgive me.
Or not.
It doesn’t matter.
Not at this juncture.

When i feel so helpless.
So hurt.
So done.

Perhaps I’ve just been trying to hang on for a tad too long.
Sometimes I feel so fine; i wonder why i seek help.
But at this point. I understand why.
When emotions are too hard to control.
When you just can’t take it anymore.

When whatever people say just becomes too much.
When you find yourself staring into a black hole.

Perhaps i am weak. Perhaps i am useless.
Perhaps i just don’t understand.

But it takes two hands to clap.
And i wish i was the one who left.
Instead of the one who was left behind.

 

Perhaps i’m just stubborn. Perhaps i’m just incorrigible. Perhaps i don’t understand, just as you don’t. Perhaps i just feel so left out. 

Perhaps i rated family a little too high on the scale. I thought it was fine. But it isn’t. I’m just lying to myself.

-shz