Oh hey two posts in one day. Haha. It’s been a long while since i last blogged. Like i realised, an entire year.
Lots of things have happened in the past year, I’m not sure I’ve ever processed it properly actually. I’m not even sure where to start. But I don’t think i’ll open that can of worms for now. Well, maybe a little.
Changed jobs, recently. I’m not sure if i’m more glad or not, well maybe 65% glad and 35% unsure, since because of the current covid situation i doubt i would have been able to find another job in the meantime. Probably wouldn’t have gotten any pay raise or conversion either, i think. But i’m still a little worried about my job security since it is a startup afterall. But we shall see. For now, things seem to be going well.
Got together with an ex-colleague of mine. Sometimes i wonder about myself, about a lot of things about myself. But we shall not delve into that can of worms, other than i think of all the ones i’ve dated, he’s the one i can potentially see a future with? Doesn’t hurt that he’s cute so… Anyway i digress. Maybe it’s also because i want to settle down a little. But anyway its not something i can discuss here so. End of this topic.
I typed this whole post to address something i’m currently feeling, but i’ve not gotten to the point at all. How typical of me haha. It’s the feeling of once having known someone, but feeling like strangers right this moment. I guess i’ve got to learn to let go sometimes, or learn to be a better communicator. It’s just… i’m not used to it i suppose. I mean i can’t possibly expect much given that i don’t talk much to some friends (are they still considered friends?), like maybe once every few months, or even just a few times a year. I’m just… not used to feeling this awkward i suppose. Feeling as if whatever i’m saying is just 客套话, that even thought i want to ask more, probe more, i don’t really have the ‘right’ to anymore?
Well I don’t really know if i’m making any sense, but i just wanted to express it somehow. I’m sure i’m not alone in this. The disconnect i feel doesn’t just apply to this one scenario anyway. Now i understand how hard it is to keep friends as you grow older, or at least the same ones like you used to have in school. It’s hard to maintain strong ties with everyone when work drains and life drains.
So i suppose, even if i really really really want to reconnect, now especially because i actually have the time, i know i can’t really maintain them once work starts up again. I’m glad i still have friends i keep in close close contact with, and i’m glad that my once-close friends do too. I don’t really know what point i’m trying to make anymore so i’m going to end it here.
But since i always try to end things on a rather cool note, here’s my attempt:
Hey stranger, i hope things have been getting better for you. Or if they’ve been good, then i hope it continues. Even though we aren’t as close as we used to be, if we used to be close, know that (as cliche as this sounds) i hope that you’ll rise with every challenge, and find happiness on your own terms.
How do you ever find the motivation to go on despite everything? It just feels as if i’ve been struggling to find a reason to go on these days. Especially these days. Perhaps i’m just feeling inferior inmany many ways. But i can’t help it. I feel slightly overwhelmed… It’s as if no amount of ‘me time’ is enough to make me feel okay. I feel somewhat reluctant to meet up with people (whom i’m not as close with at least), or to read my papers, or to write my reports. My to-do list is increasing but i just can’t find the motivation to do something about it.
Of course then I’ve also been thinking. Of course. When am i ever not, right? Sometimes i think i live too much in my own world. Maybe because i spend too much time with myself. Hm. Maybe. Or maybe i just really want someone to care about me. Like… Idk. Then again it’s not like people have nothing else better to do right? Meh. And i guess there are people who care about me? I guess? I don’t know. Sometimes i feel like pissing off everyone just so i have a stronger reason to no longer give a f___ about anything. But then that’s kinda bad i guess. I don’t know. I just don’t feel like there’s any reason to live? Maybe. But maybe that’s not true since i’m still afraid of death. Hm. I don’t know. I’m just sad and pissed off and everything… Ugh. Oh well at least my swimming bowl of ikan bilis is accompanying me… Spreading a nice soupy smell throughout the house right now. And i have to go watch webcast… Meh. I digressed again didn’t I?
Forget it. Here’s a nice song from Hebe. Yay.
-shz
Sometimes it feels as if i can’t get anything right… or that nothing i do is ever enough… Or that i’m just so lazy sometimes… and so afraid of seeing people’s disappointment and reactions or their patronising smiles. Perhaps that’s why i’m adverse to watching people open my gift to them in front of me, or reading cards that i wrote for them. Perhaps i’m just very good at running away. Or i’m just a coward. Probably that i’m just a coward. Perhaps i haven’t grown up at all. I’m still terrified. Terrified of being a fraud, being a failure, being a shitty human being, shitty friend, shitty sister, shitty daughter. Perhaps i am. I don’t know. I don’t know whose telling the truth and who isn’t. I don’t know who to trust. And i know people dislike negative thoughts, feelings, etc. And so that is why i only have you. My little blog where i rant and try to process these negative feelings. I don’t know if it has helped me or not. But i know at least having this as an outlet beats screaming at people… Although i wonder if perhaps just screaming it to their face is a better choice. Perhaps not. I don’t know. Okay i’ll just go stirr my ikan bilis soup.
Around 1 month and 2 days to go. Before i’ll be back. At this point, i thought i’ll be ecstatic to be back. I am, kind of, looking forward to go back. But i know i will miss this place. With the nice weather (even though it’s kind of like unbearable cold now…), the scenery, the lack of extreme amounts of things to do. I feel kind of free? But lonely.
I still have problems making friends… It’s hard. Especially when you feel like an outsider and you’re trying so hard not to feel awkward, and your mind goes blank, and you wonder what in the world can you possibly talk about to another human being. It’s just going to happen over and over again until i find a way to cope with this. I know. I’m just tired, i suppose. I keep saying: Keep going. Just keep moving. But i wonder, what’s the point of moving? I’m moving, yes. But for what?
It doesn’t help that i’ve been thinking a lot on certain issues lately. And not exactly doing productive things, i suppose. Yeah that definitely doesn’t help. But the weather makes it so hard to just spontaneously go out and walk. The wind blows, and i kind of just want to stay at home. Add to that, that i have somewhat of a leg injury, and it makes me even less willing to go out.
Sigh. I shall stop here. I’ve been replaying that song. And “Love!” by Hebe too. Oh well. What can express my emotions? Writing? I suppose. If i could.
I don’t know anymore. Det ved jeg ikke.
-shz
Venter på døden.
Desperation.
It feels like a tiny little gear.
Spinning. Very quickly.
You can feel your heart beat quickening.
It feels like something might happen. Or it may not.
Probably nothing. But you wish there were something.
You wish you could be that someone there, in the middle of those conversations.
Making friends, companions, meeting people.
But you’re stuck with your shell. A shell that has words carved into it.
A shell that appears to protect you, even as you’re hurting.
Words that make you doubt yourself.
So as you distance yourself, you feel safe. Yet lonely.
Surrounded by people, yet not. People laughing, people joking.
You try to find someone, someone who might be like you.
But you don’t. Even when you do, they look comfortable.
Being alone. They look like they have no care of the world.
And so you try to pretend, to be like them. Alone, and without any worries.
And yet… you know you’re only lying to yourself.
Perhaps you have to let go. Let go of the shell. The shell that gives you a false protection.
The shell that also induces doubt in you. Reminds you of your flaws.
and erased from you, the things you could learn to love about yourself.
But the shell. The shell is ever so welcoming. So… familiar.
I feel the same dilemma i felt a few months back. Except then i decided to just go ahead and take the plunge. Except this time, i feel fearful, and honestly, tired. I wonder if i will ever find the… scenario i play in my head over and over. I wonder if it will ever exist – for me. But i won’t know until i take the plunge (again). Except, as i mentioned, i’m tired. I feel like i’m too… naive… Or maybe i just don’t want to find out the realities of the world i want to be in. Such delusion. Not very healthy i suppose.
Almost impossible, i suppose. Or at least i was until i saw a friend again. Then everything came back, the longing, the fear, the conflict. Perhaps i’m not ready. Still struggling with so many things. How and where will i find the energy and time for another?
Don’t know what i should do. Don’t know whats going on.
If this even exists…. Is there something known as ‘destiny’? I wonder. But i doubt it.
Intimacy is not who you sleep with.
Intimacy is who you curl up and cuddle with and talk for hours about anything and everything.
Intimacy is giving that special someone all your attention, when ten other people are asking for it.
Intimacy is the one who is always in your heart and mind no matter how distracted life has you.
Intimacy is always putting Love first.
Intimacy is two imperfect people who are perfect together.
Intimacy is trusting someone to explore the depths of your soul without the fear of rejection.
Intimacy is the only love worth living.
And when you have this type of intimacy, then it is magical when they touch you.
It makes me wonder if such a thing exists. Sounds very… fairytale-ish.
So… I still haven’t made up my mind as to go with it or not. Argh. This is… frustrating.
徐佳莹！！！！！！！
Heh. I wonder.
I guess for now… I should stay strong, and not be weak. Weak weak weak. Patience is something i have to learn.. But for now… i’ll hide in that small corner of mine.
-shz
Adiós. For now. I have to come to terms with myself. Hate the ‘wanting to please’ personality of mine. Hate that so much.
This song is nice haha. And so is she. Okay slight obsession right now. But i’ve never had this obsession towards a singer before haha so for now i’m just sort of basking it in? The initial craze is kind of over though. But she is damn cute though haha. Perhaps more charming would be her personality bah. She’s not like ‘flaunty’ or anything. Feels like she’s more down to earth and stuff. And her life story is fascinating haha. Though i’m still a little doubtful as to what is real and what isn’t (cause you know, media…).
It’s been awhile since i blogged since i was super busy during this semester, and then right after finals my computer broke down. So yes, i got a new computer. Woot woot. But also more broke. I’m not sure why i feel so bitter right now. But i just do. Perhaps its the competition that’s stressful, or the fact that i feel very lost, or maybe that i feel very alone right now. Still not too sure how to process these feelings. Perhaps it’s all the high that’s making me feel low right now i suppose. But nonetheless, i’m very irritable right now.
I’m turning 21 this year. Not too sure what to do. I told myself (when i was 16) that i should hang on till 21, when life will get better. I’m not too sure if this is the ‘better’ that i was referring to. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I’m not sure what to do still. I feel so… lost? Is this how people feel? Perhaps everyone feels like this when they reach this age? The search for oneself. But do we have a ‘self’ that we can find? Or are we changing faster than what we are looking for? How do we define a ‘self’? Is it someone we are, or someone we wish to be? I don’t even know what i’m typing anymore. But it soothes me, so i shall continue.
Meanwhile, listening to 徐佳莹 is rather nice haha. I think i’ve been talking about her too much lately to my friends. Might be annoying them. So you shall bear the brunt of my slight obsession right now. I wish i could see the concert she held in 2015 in 小巨蛋 cause she actually attempted to dance. But i can’t really find much on youtube so… Sad life.
If you’re quirky, if you’re different, introverted, don’t apologize for any of that. Those are the things that you should really get to know and learn to love. Because those are your strengths, believe it or not.
—
Christine Chen, from Wong Fu Productions
Are they?
Sometimes you have to allow emotions to pass through. You cannot fight them; nor should you cling to them, but some things simply demand to be felt.
I’ve been trying that lately. Just trying to accept things as they come, instead of fighting against it. Like sadness, happiness, craziness, etc. It’s not easy, but i suppose it does feel rather nice, trying to understand where things are coming from, and how they feel as a whole.
Is happiness something that can be learnt, or acquired by habituation, or cultivated in some other way?
I think happiness is a state of mind. You choose to be happy, or not. Although sometimes, i feel that the choice is taken out of some people’s hands.
You know, i tried envisioning what i’d like in a guy. Like you know, cause being lonely and all. Somehow i can’t think of what i’d like.. Other than the superficial stuff like i want a tall guy… Not too thin not too fat kinda. But personality wise, i actually really don’t know. Perhaps that’s a sign i’m not ready bah. *Hugs my sharkie*
The obvious is sometimes false, and the unexpected is sometimes true.
-shz It’s hard to come to grips that i can never be the ‘perfect’ person i want to be. Sometimes my emotions rule. It’s hell fighting with yourself. And there’s only so much that can be done, with the jealousy, the fear, the insecurity. I can only learn… But that requires time.
Random rantings once again. Wonder what’s wrong about me – why is there this incessant need to prove myself to people? Why is there this need to somehow obtain approval? This doesn’t make sense. I only know for now, i’m still trying to develop my own voice, my own thoughts, my own views. Views, thoughts and opinions that are not tainted or swayed by what other people say. Learning how to read things, and take things with a pinch of salt. I’m learning. It’s slow, but yes i am learning.
Also need my brain to start making sense because i don’t understand why i’m feeling so… evil. I don’t make sense. I want competition, yet i’m afraid of it. I’m afraid i’m not good enough. But why does it matter? There’s so much more things i can do besides that one thing. But why am i so afraid? Why? Why am i afraid of getting the short end of the stick (well if i used this wrongly tell me please), and then, what is wrong with the short end of the stick? Okay obviously people all want the best, but there are so much more things i could do even if i don’t get it. I guess its just the feeling of rejection, of failure, that i am still unable to cope with properly. I feel this need to be validated by people (which yes, is unhealthy), but i don’t know how to curb it. Sigh.
Back to quote. It’s been awhile.
Be careful with her. She’s more fragile than she seems.
Crying was an acceptable outlet, even if it made you feel raw and empty inside, it was still better than that build up of resentment that grew from not letting your emotions out.
I think there is strength to be found in getting up even when we don’t want to. To fight for the things we want; the things that truly matter and make us joyful to be alive and well. I think there is something to be said to those who keep on lovin’ even after being hurt. For those who have eyes who keep searching for the beauty through the brokenness.
I admire the courage of people who are willing to be true to themselves, and accept nothing less. I don’t. I couldn’t stand the fact that if i bared all of me to someone, they’ll probably leave. And as i quote a song…
“Marks a battle
Still feel raw
A million pieces of me
On the floor
I’m damaged goods
For all to see
Now who would ever want to be with me”
– Exit Wounds by The Script
Its a really nice song. I’m not biased at all.
i wonder if i’m defective. I don’t like kissing. Lol. Maybe i am. Oh well.
People say I love you all the time. When they say ‘take an umbrella, it’s raining,’ or ‘hurry back,’ or even ‘watch out, you’ll break your neck.’ There are hundreds of ways of wording it – you just have to listen for it, my dear.
The worst part of being young. So many of your decisions aren’t yours; they’re made by other people. Sometimes they’re made badly by other people. Sometimes they’re made by other people who have no idea what the consequences of those decisions might be.
But you do realise that (at least to me), that beats making the wrong decision by yourself. Or maybe that’s just me. But i guess the mistakes we make on our own are more impactful. But they also hurt more.
You can’t compare and rank heartache. Pain is pain. There is no precise measurement. No quarter cup.
God. Never felt so irritated and pissed off in a long while. Long, long while. Got so pissed i was literally shaking. Ah. Its been a long time. I think its just her. I seriously think its just her. Fuck. Ugh. Forever so critical and.. act until she’s god-like. Pardon me for all the hurtful things here i spew because well i’m fucking pissed. Yay.
So fucking glad i’m not going to go to lectures with her anymore. Well, for most of them at least. Seem to have too many lesson stuff in common to not meet. Unfortunately. Maybe i’m just a fucking shitty friend. Well guess what… maybe you just don’t get to see the better side of me. So high up in your pedestal. I think we’re just people from two different galaxies. And you have a way lower tolerance level than most people. -_- I guess the first time i tried to make friends with you should have gave me a hint. What a pity i was blind then.
Well maybe i should grow up too. Maybe then i won’t be blogging about this thing here. Oh well. What to do. Don’t have many i pour my heart out to. Except my sis. But she’s around at the moment so. Meh.
Anyways, ranting aside. I feel slightly better. Except i really don’t want to talk to her anymore. Meh. Wanted to type more but eh… Why bother. I have to go read protocols 😦 which i really don’t want to but i have to…
Sadly i’ve been learning this and honestly if i tried harder i might just stab myself.
“Every hand I’m offered looks like it couldn’t hold the weight of me.”
There were days where i would say perhaps i had nothing to offer. But i guess those days are gone. Because once you do more things, you realise you do have things to offer, just whether you want to or not. The gesture of offering itself, is something that only you, and only you can give.
And once again 21 is approaching. Perhaps my time is up. Or is it? I don’t know. Haven’t made a decision. Not sure if i’ll ever make one. But i do get to be overseas before i turn 21. If i get in that is. Hm. Decisions decisions. I suck at making them.
Wanted to post something emo-ish. But this song is always nice so… Meh. What have i turned into. -_-
If you could see me now Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?
“I can’t be around people, but I can’t handle being by myself, so I write just to feel like I have somebody to talk to but paper can’t love you back and your own words can’t mend your broken heart.”
I feel like i’m at this stage where i don’t know what i’m doing, and i don’t know what i’m living for. And now it feels like i’m having these episodes for a bit too many times. Sigh. But i don’t know what to do. How do i stop myself from feeling what i do? When i see people talking, and i wish i could join in, but i just can’t find it in myself to do so. When people ask me to come along, but there’s just too many of them, and i’m afraid. So i decline. Even though i really want to. I feel so afraid of being around people with their masks. They’re so scary. The way they can act so friendly to one person and in another, they just talk bad about them. I know i’m guilty of it too, but it sickens me. Does it not sicken them? Maybe not. Maybe its the way the adult world works. But i’m not ready for that. But i don’t have a choice, do i?
I wonder what i should do. I should take a step back right? Try to figure out what to do. Who i am. It feels as if i don’t know who i am. Who am i? Feels like i act according to what people want. And it feels so… fake. but i don’t know how to not be… It feels so… ingrained. Feels… Hm.
I don’t know. All i want to do is to do something stupid. To feel the adrenaline. But i’m too rational for it. How sickening. But i want to… But will i ever?
“I like the scars because I like the stories. Bravery, stupidity, pain—none of them come free.”
“Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.”
“People are like the ocean – unpredictable. You can’t trust the ocean’s waters, for they change. All you see is a calm horizon, but once you reach it – oh, if you knew what a wild storm was raging there. Same goes for people – you think you know them but, trust me, you never do.”
I read this article about taking things slow. Maybe i should. I’ve been rushing my whole life. Rush rush rush… Does it mean anything? Other than a few lines on my portfolio. That’s just sad.. Sigh. I should slow down… Yeah… i should…
-shz
i need to talk. i need to.. vent. if i don’t.. i might just… simmer away…
I guess its perhaps also because its a new year now…
I should try to make a new year resolution… I have never done one before, actually.
2014 was an interesting year. Two halves of the year was remarkably different.
First half was filled with work, at SH. I suppose during the work i felt incredibly stressed out and that the job was rather inhumane and all that. But now as i looked back, i suppose it was a good thing. It gave me courage to speak to random strangers when i need to. It gave me a new light as to how sometimes service staff don’t get treated very well, and that sometimes, they have bad days too.
I suppose i haven’t really thought about this before, but i do look out more for the service of staffs when i go shops, restaurants etc etc, and i supposed i’m picky. But i guess at least i don’t make a big fuss of wanting to see managers and all that, tho i could also improve on my attitude towards the staff. Or at least attempt to complain less about such trivial things. I should endeavor to complain less and instead reflect on these incidents i suppose.
Reflection is a powerful thing. I suppose it makes you look back at things you probably will let slide otherwise, and find things to learn from them.
For me, i suppose the biggest takeaway from SH was how little acts by us can make a difference. I know we’re paid there to work as CSC, but it sure makes a difference when you greet customers with a smile instead of a frown, and a difference when you try to help them out. I remember vividly my attempt to teach an old lady how to set parental locks on her TV so she doesn’t accidentally purchase channels. I think my help was limited because firstly, i honestly don’t know how to either because i don’t use SH cable, and secondly, i had trouble communicating with her. But i guess my attempt to teach her was (perhaps) good enough, and i remember her thanking me and leaving rather happily. Perhaps at that time it was just an incident that happened at work, where my mentality was “one case down. next please”, and nothing much. But now as i attempt to look back, its something worth remembering. I remember all my troublesome cases that i left behind cause i quit work, and i must admit that there was perhaps an insufficiency in training before we were set to work, and how inefficient the system is in calling for help in such things. But as i have left, i have no idea how it is now.
Then it was a random 3 or 4 days of work as a promoter selling some weight treatment vouchers, in which i also learnt that i cannot for the life of me, sell something i do not believe in. I think there are pros and cons to that, pros being honestly, and i recognise that when i believe in something fully, i tend to be more committed and passionate about it. Cons are that i can probably never be a promoter unless i believe in what i’m selling, and me being skeptical isn’t really helpful, and that i can probably never BS as good as others.
Then the last part of my 1st half in 2014 ended with work at RSH, in which i learnt that boring jobs are totally not for me. I would rather be busy than be lazy and stand there and do nothing. I am not saying retail is lazy, i’m saying retail is not for me.
Second half of 2014 was more or less preparing for school, and then before that there was my Taiwan trip with my family. It was… fun and i wish i could go again. I suppose then i should include in my second resolution, which would be to be more polite to my family members and attempt to be more involved in my family’s life, esp my brothers. To be honest i know not much about my brothers, and i can say i’m not the most polite when it comes to my Mom, mainly because i think i have been brainwashed to believing certain traits that may be untrue about my brother. Perhaps ‘brainwashed’ is a rather strong word, but that to me is more apt i suppose.
Then after my Taiwan trip was school. Year 1 Semester 1 was rather, to be honest, strenuous and tiring. Stressful, but fufilling. I took 22 MCs, which was slightly (only very slightly) overloading, but i supposed the stuff at RVRC also made me rather tired.
First lets talk about academics. Academically, from my results, i supposed i would say i’m rather surprised by it, given that i had so much struggles and worries about it. I was expecting at least a B+ for my LSM1101 module, but surprisingly i got an A. I suppose my worried modules are still the GEM1917 and ES1601. But those, i would have to take them one at a step, especially since it is a year long module.
Next lets talk about my RC. Quite a lot of stuff has happened in semester 1 for my RC, first being i’m in a Music Interest Group named The Playlist. We put up a performance at the end of the semester, and it was rather interesting.
One thing that i need to learn though, from the whole preparation to the performance, is to not participate in rumors that are hurtful. I feel quite guilty but i shall not post what happened. But it is definitely a lesson to learn.
Then there was also the Halloween Haunted House preparation. I have been thinking about it, and i supposed things could have been handled more properly during the preparation and everything. I know there was quite a bit of dislike from our side to the Red House organisers, but i doubt that she actually did it on purpose. Perhaps if we voiced out our need for help, she would have helped us out. So my third lesson is to attempt to voice out the need for help, or in general, not to assume too much. Assume, as they say, only “makes an ass our of you and me”.
For me, those were the more major events that i suppose i could takeaway or look upon under my RC.
Lastly would be my SPS journey. For me, SPS is a wonderful community and i’m never more grateful that i applied and managed to get in than i am right now. As i make more friends in SPS, and have fun together, i realise perhaps sometimes we tend to aggregate among ourselves more. I suppose thats the difference between SPS culture and RVRC culture. Its the tendency to aggregate among people we know, and not reach out that is, i feel, something i dislike about RVRC. I’m not saying its a bad thing, and i do do that as well, but one major thing i like about SPS people, is that once you’re in that SPS room, everyone is approachable. You get seniors joining in a bridge game, and everyone is fine with it. You can be having a convo, and people with the expertise or opinions will add on, and it makes the conversation more interesting. I suppose it can be hard to do it if people are shy and all, and i know i’m not as open as i appear to want to be, but its a step forward. So i suppose my last resolution is to be less shy, and talk to people more, even people i don’t know. Learn how to talk, because it’s important.
I hope 2015 will be more interesting, and of course i hope to learn more from my modules and everything.
Of course then there’s stuff i’m worried about in my relationship as well, if you couldn’t tell from the song. Okay maybe you couldn’t. I don’t think it makes sense as well. Never mind about it.
Anyways i always have worries and i feel rather insecure (as usual). I only hope that my trust isn’t violated, and that what i’m speculating is untrue. But i don’t know, because they say gut feelings usually don’t go wrong. I don’t know if this is my gut talking or my heart, but i honestly hope it isn’t true. I suppose my insecurity stems from my looks, or rather my lack of looks, and i know i shouldn’t be worrying about this, but i can’t help it. I’m not pretty pretty like some of my friends, i’m just average and i don’t have much to offer except for burdens and all. I don’t find that a flaw, but i find it rather more like a deal breaker for guys? Just like how a guy who lies is a deal breaker for me. I like honesty more, even though it hurts sometimes, because then i can trust him to tell me when things are going wrong, when things are stagnant, when i get too unreasonable etc etc.
And now i stop typing and scroll through tumblr to find quotes!
————————————-
This always happens…
“One cannot be too careful with words, they change their minds just as people do.”
i have never seen it irl, and i don’t want to. Seeing my mom cry is the worst shit ever tho.
“Sometimes we just have to cut off the dead branches in our life. Sometimes that’s the only way we can keep the tree alive. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s what’s best.”
Why do we believe in things that are told to us, without questioning the purpose, the authenticity of it? More importantly, why do i believe in it? Why do i just accept things? I have a lot to learn…
sometimes you just fall in love with the character, and not the gender of the person. I think that is rather beautiful…?
everyone has…
because we usually only notice the bad, and never the good.
hyperactivekidshz 